heart_of_gold

They don't call it Hell Week for nothing. My God, I've never been so tired and stressed out at the same time. This music is just so challenging...it's masochistic singing, really. Your Fault is just (pardon my French) a clusterfuck. We got it together tonight at least. We have a week to perfect it. God, less than a week. I can't believe it's almost time to put this show up...it's all been kind of a blur, hasn't it?

Things have been relatively quiet lately aside from the play. Other than cramming for the impending exams. Thankfully, my hot lovely girlfriend has been coaching me in my French. And her Spanish is sounding better...so that's one class neither of us have to worry about. Everything else'll be a total breeze...I hope.

Is it weird that I'm kind of glad to be back at school? Don't get me wrong, being at home was great minus the part where I caught Chase cozying up to Jenna drunkenly in a hotel room my mother gave me the sex talk and handed me a box of condoms after she caught Jenna and I making out at my apartment...Awkward, huh? Yeah. Just a little. I got the whole "If your father was here, he'd be doing this, but since he's not I'll try my best to tell you about all the 'changes' your body may be going through" speech. Nothing is worse in life than having your mother explain erections to you even though you've been through puberty already. At least we never have to have that talk again. My sisters are lucky to never have to hear that side of "the talk".


But it's good to be back in the swing of things here. Class, rehearsals, the usual run of the mill stuff. And French. Ugh French. Kinda hate it, but the year is almost over, thankfully. I've finally nailed Giants in the Sky, which is good since I'm pretty sure the musical director was about to strangle me for tripping over my words every time I sang it. My sisters helped me out with that one...a.k.a., they wanted to reenact the whole show in our living room.

The end of rehearsal was pretty good, too. You know, the part where we were all leaving. Brava, JJ. I can appreciate pranks in which no one gets hurt. It's just a bit of fun, right?

I'm having a love/hate relationship with Steven Sondheim right now. The Prologue is the first song and already it's kicking my ass. He's probably one of the most difficult composers to learn, and don't I know it. Thank God we're only in the first act..."Your Fault" is probably one of the hardest songs in the show...maybe by then I'll be a little more used to the weird syncopations and beats and dissonant chords. I'm doing fine as far as the acting goes...I just hope we get the fake cow built soon so then I know how to work with it.

I'm really looking forward to spring break. No rehearsal, no class, no homework...just me and home. And Jenna. Which is just an added bonus of her brother going to school in Manhattan. Anybody else gonna be around New York during break? We should all try to get together one night or something.

[private to Chase]
You okay, man? You seem a bit...off.
[/private]

YES. Oh man, I've never been so happy to see a cast list in my life. The anticipation was killing me. Sure, I didn't get my #1 choice for parts, but I got my #2, which was really more of a #1.5. Oh man...what a hell of a week, huh? So awesome. The cast is so awesome...I mean, everyone's perfect for their parts. I just can't wait for rehearsals to start. It's one thing to take acting classes and do little one act plays here and there, but I love the feeling of being in a full-out production.

I called my mom and she already took the weekend of the show off to come down from New York and see it with my sisters. I'm totally pumped for that. Oh man, this is gonna be sweet!

[private to Jenna]
So, um, this weekend...Saturday...you wanna go out for dinner or something? If it's nice, we can walk. If it's not...we can take a shuttle.
[/private]

So, um, I guess the most I can say is that I finally got the hint. The apparently very obvious hint that wasn't so obvious to me. But, it's a good thing I did. It's weird to know that something like that could be right in front of you and you're just so set that it's impossible that you can't even entertain the thought of it happening. And then it does. And it's kinda mind blowing.

I guess now all that's left is to see what happens next.

What a helluva weekend, huh?

private to Brie and Chase
Thanks for the push in the right direction. I owe you guys.

Two posts in two days. That's gotta be some kind of record for me. I ate a quick lunch then ran back to my room to get my stuff for my afternoon classes all settled and take care of some other stuff. I had kind of a weird morning.

private to Casi
I'm really sorry about last night. I'm serious. I wasn't thinking and...yeah. I know, I suck. Next time I'll ask before barging into your room...
end private

I'm all out of sorts today. It's weird. I don't know what's up with me. I got a pretty decent night's sleep last night. Almost seven hours, which is a lot for me. Hopefully it'll pass by the end of the day.

private to self
I can't believe last night. The fact that I fell asleep with Jenna like that...what the hell was I thinking?! She must think I'm a total creeper. And the fact that I woke up with a hard on? Ugh, I hope she didn't notice. I don't know if she did, she didn't say anything. Her hair smelled so good and she was so warm and...ugh. Okay, Matty, get that outta your head.

But, if I'm being honest with myself, it wasn't bad. I liked it. It was oddly...comfortable. I just don't know what to do with that. I mean, if she doesn't mention it again, then I guess that's cool. I also wouldn't mind if it happened again...which is definitely weird. But...nah...it wouldn't ever happen again. I gave up on that a long time ago.
end private

Auditions today went pretty okay. I think they liked me. Standard "Thank you very much, you'll be hearing from us" type thing. Which is so weird and formal for a school full of people who do this all the time. They could just tell me if I'm getting a callback or whatever. Oh well. I think they really liked the fact that Holly played the guitar for me instead of just using the accompanist. So, thanks Holly! I'm really really hoping for the Baker...I just don't know. Oh well.

Good news is, no matter what part I get, Mom is bringing my sisters down to ol' Delaware for the production.

The weekend was pretty uneventful. Minus the drama which I won't even get into. Hopefully things'll get smoothed over soon.

Private to Ariel
You need somewhere to hang, come find me.
end private

Happy St. Patrick's Day to all of you Irish people! Clearly, I am not included in that group except on days like today. I wore my green Chucks for the occasion.

I kinda wish I had gone to that party. I feel like I missed out on a lot of good times. Oh well...maybe next time. I was all set and ready to go and I wussed out then I started going over my monologue for class and before I knew it, it was like, 11 and kind of pointless to go. Next time, though, I promise.

I also want to start narrowing down my song choices for auditions, even though I don't have to worry about that stuff until like, senior year. I just wanna be prepared. I'm thinking about Corner of the Sky from Pippin for one. Maybe There's a Sucker Born Every Minute from Barnum. Grow for Me from Little Shop of Horrors? I dunno, I have a few more bouncing around there. Not sure yet.

The weekend wasn't that bad. I'm glad spring break is coming up though, I'm pumped to go back to Manhattan and hang out at the deli for the week and go see a bunch of shows I've been missing. Should be nice.

So...Prom. That's happening soon. And that's all I have to say about that.

I'm taking an official break from French right now, I can't handle one more French word in my head...it'll boil over and I'll go crazy...and that wouldn't be cool. Whatever, I've taken like, thirty breaks over the past few hours. I'll get my vocab memorized by the morning.

I talked to my mother after classes, she said my sisters are all working at the deli every once in a while, but she whispered that I was still her best worker. Maybe it's because I'm a foot taller than all of my sisters right now. I might be going home in a couple of weeks, just for the weekend, for Easter prep. That's always a big deli holiday.

Here's a question for the ages: for my monologue, should I pick Shakespeare (or something else classical) or modern? I'm leaning more towards modern...maybe some Mamet. Nothin' like a good ol' Mamet monologue with the word "fuck" every other sentence. I'll sleep on it and hopefully wake up with some sort of inspiration.

( no pare, sigue, sigue )

( the only room with a view is a room with you in it )